The Saddest Of Days.

Our summer holiday officially ended yesterday, when I left Briony at the airport to fly back to Wales. We did an amazing job of not crying our eyes out up until the time we said goodbye at the security gate. I waited up above until she cleared security, and then she stopped for me to take a photo and whisper I love you one more time.

By the time I got to the car I gave up trying to hold the tears back. I was a full blown mess by the time I got on the road. Had I not had less than an hour to get to Fort Collins to pick up Georgia, I think I would have completely fallen apart. I turned on the radio really loudly and sang my heart out all the way home. Between every song, I burst into tears again. Thankfully Georgia is not too upset by human emotion. Bearette would get very stressed when I cried, but Georgia doesn't mind as long as it doesn't interfere with her napping.

Grief is such a fickle thing. Briony and I have the best relationship that we've ever had. We're closer now than we've ever been. We know things about each other that most parents and children don't know about each other (for better or worse). I just miss her so much, all the time. I know that we'll see each other again, but I also know that we'll never live near each other again.

I don't regret much. I have lived a life, and made choices, some of them good and some of them rash. But I will never regret the choices that led to me becoming a mother. What I do regret, however, is that I took bad advice from an adoption agency in the US that said that I could adopt the children after we moved to Virginia. I had already filled out the paperwork in the UK to start the process, but then we started the process to move to the US and there were going to be conflicts, so I got advice and did not pursue the UK adoption. Once in the US I found out they told me the wrong information and then it was too late. Because of this Briony and Cale could not immediately become US citizens, and would have to wait until they were eligible. Briony chose to leave before she could become a citizen, and she can never come back now. My other regret is not staying in the UK long enough for me to become a dual citizen. I don't know that I'd have even been able to do it, as I realized after I got there my marriage was not what I thought it would be. But having the option, on day, to live near my daughter and her future family is a lovely thought. Unfortunately, that will never happen. And that makes my grief all the worse.

Despite the bone deep sadness I am experiencing right now, I am so grateful that I was able to have this summer with my beautiful daughter. I am so grateful that we could do all of the amazing things that we've done this last month. We will always have these memories and experiences together. Until the next time, when we make new memories.

KURT!

On Friday, the 22nd of July, 2016 Briony and I saw Keith Urban in concert for the third time together (and my 17th time seeing him). We had a monumental KURT (Keith Urban Road Trip) in 2013 where we saw him back to back two nights in a row. This concert was particularly special because it was Briony's last night with me before heading back to Wales.

We stopped at Starbucks on our way out of town for drinks, and Georgia got a pupaccino.

We took Georgia to Four Paws in Fort Collins. They take such excellent care of her there, and several girls were heading out of the office for lunch and called hello to her as we were walking in. I am so glad that I found this place to keep her when I can't take her with me.

We got down to Greenwood Village Colorado in plenty of time to get checked into our (fantastic) hotel before heading to dinner. I hadn't planned in advance where we would eat, and Briony was suspicious of my suggestion of the nearby IHOP, but once she got her crepes she was a happy girl.

Parking was easy at the venue, I'll definitely remember the cheapo lot I found that was closer than the more expensive lots, and use it again for future concerts at Fiddler's Green. I got Nabru as a gift many years ago during a Keith Urban Christmas Gift Exchange present. It had to have been 2005 or 2006 I would think. He's been to every Keith concert I've gone to since then, and lives on my fridge the rest of the year. 

The line to get in the venue was crazy stupid long, but moved fairly quickly and the threatening storm brought in much appreciated clouds that meant we didn't have to stand in the sun the entire time. We did get bored, though, and took photos of our cute nail polished toes.

 
We got to our seats just as Marin Morris was finishing her last song. We sat down and Briony recognizes her as the one that sings this Cadillac song that we hate, but kept hearing on the radio during our road trips. So it worked out great that we didn't have to sit through her singing.

Bret Eldredge came on next, and I am familiar with most of his songs. He's especially funny on snapchat, and the only reason I keep that stupid app on my phone at all. He was pretty good.

The wait between set changes always seems to take forever while waiting for Keith to come on.

The wait is always worth it. Keith came on, and for an hour and a half he rocked it, like he always does. What's even more amazing when you're at a concert with your daughter, is when she reaches over and holds your hand, or links her arm in yours so that you're even more connected with each other during special songs.

For the part where he always comes up into the audience, this time he didn't come to a tiny stage on the left side like he usually does, they had a full stage set up right in front of where the lawn starts. Briony and I were late to go join the crowd leaving their seats, because I didn't think that security would allow us to stand in the walkway (Keith has actually had it out with security during concerts before that I've been to). We could have been so much closer had I not hesitated, but still we were about 20 feet away for the three or four songs he did up there.

It was the best night. Briony said she thinks it beats the last concert we saw together, one of which was at Red Rocks, and then in the pouring rain at Jas Aspen Snowmass. The second of those nights was better, despite the rain, because it was mostly accoustic.

I am so glad that I not only got to see Keith again with Briony, but the timing was perfect, as it was our last night together during this holiday. It helped because by the time we got back to the hotel we were too tired to be sad about her leaving, and talked about how wonderful and happy Keith seemed until we fell asleep.

Vedauwoo & The Snowys.

Today Briony and did some sight seeing and Geocaching. Neither of us had ever been to Vedauwoo, though it is only a short distance from Laramie, so we packed a picnic and headed there after I finished work this morning. The day got hot quicker than we'd thought, so we quickly found three Geocaches and then found a shady spot to cool off and eat our lunch.

After lunch we picked Georgia up from home and headed the other direction to the Snowys. I have a favourite spot at Mirror Lake, and we went there and I made a snowman and we took in the views.

City Band Concert.

Every Wednesday in the summer, the Municipal Band plays free concerts at Washington Park. I inevitably miss half of them, but Briony and I finally made it to one on July 13th.


We took Georgia, and we had a blanket, and it was a lovely evening. We had some yummy treats that Briony's step grandmother had made that day, and given her.

 At the end of a long day, my girls turn into goofs:

Wyoming Statehood Day.

So, last week Freedom had a Birthday, and on this 10 July, Wyoming had a Birthday.

Briony and I went to the Wyoming Territorial Prison for the Statehood Day celebration. We got free hot dogs and cake, and because of Briony's vegetarianism, I ended up with two hot dogs and she had two slices of cake.

The entertainment was a professional gunslinger, and trick ropers. They were both quite good, and it was a good way to spend some time outside on our weekend at home.

Clean Eating. Feeling Great!

On the 16th of May I started a 30 day clean eating program. I had been thinking of doing this plan for the better part of two years, since I started using Arbonne products myself. I imagined it would be many things before I started. I imagined it would suck, to be honest. I wanted to do it so that I could improve my health and over all well being, but I thought it would be hard and I would hate every moment of it. The program is gluten free, soy free, dairy free, starch free, vinegar free, and organic as much as possible. 

The reality so different than I thought it would be.

I was told that the first week would be the hardest. People often suffer from withdrawals from the things that we are cutting out. I breezed right through it. My problem with healthy eating has always been my lack of desire to cook for myself. When I had a family to feed, it was different (and they did the dishes), but other than a big holiday meal, I have never really bothered to cook much for myself. My program came with simple meals, and I have even begun modifying them to make them easier and better suited to me.

The first few days I had moments of hunger, between meals or right before bed. I would have some water, and they subsided and were very easy to manage. Since then, I have actually struggled to eat enough calories in a day. I started eating about 1300 calories per day, but the last two days when I didn't feel the need to snack I didn't even hit 1000. I am trying harder now to consume more calories, even when I'm not hungry, so that I can stay in a good healthy range.

I thought when I started that I would count the days to the end when I could finish and eat the foods that I cannot eat now. But already I am thinking I will continue a lifestyle similar to this one when it's over. I lost weight and inches, and by not doing anything more than eating well.

I would recommend this program, and clean living in general to anyone. I am so blessed to have discovered Arbonne and their pure, safe, and beneficial products. My skin has never been better with their skin care products, and my insides have never been better with their nutritional products.

It's now been almost a month that I've been trying to eat 80/20, and I am doing very well. I have not had any particular reactions to the foods I've added back, but there are foods that I don't enjoy as much as I remembered. I have struggled a little, but mainly owing to the fact that I've been on the road for almost two weeks during the last three weeks, and not always with a refrigerator and microwave available in my hotel, so finding healthy options was not always simple. But the important thing I've learned about that is that I prefer healthy to the unhealthy options I did find (even though prior to this I would have sought out the meals that I'm no longer enjoying).

My 40s are going to be the healthiest years of my life.

Georgia's Birthday.

July 7th, 2014 was the first day I met Georgia in person. I liked that date better than the date that I officially became her mom, so I made that her birthday/gotcha day. They estimated that she was between four and six years of age at the time. To make my life easier, I decided that I would make her 5 at the time. It was in the middle of the estimation, and later looking at the date, that makes her born in 2009, which was the year I became a Mom to Briony and Cale, so it would be easy to remember her age.

Last year I made her snacks and took her to Washington Park, to the picnic bench where I first met her. This year it was looking stormy, so we stayed inside, but she still got her treats. I had a few toys for her, and Briony had been out earlier that day and gotten us party hats, and a bone and some balls for Georgia.

Briony took this photo of Georgia when she got out of bed this morning:

Our party pics: